high risk patient – Not Quite Lost

Jun 7, 2012

Dear Jigsaw, Are You Accepting Patients?

So tomorrow will make it two weeks since I’ve been here. I am scheduled to be discharged. I’m not sure how many times I have told my ‘team’ that I still do not feel safe, they are treating me like I’m a baby. We have check in teams and the nurses say “No, you have […]

Filed Under: The Madness · Tagged: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, depression, George Clooney for President, healthcare, high risk patient, hospitalization, Jigsaw, McLean Psychiatric Hospital, Obamacare, Saw, Suicidal Ideation, Suicide, there IS no safety

Jun 3, 2012

In-patient: Day 8 (featuring Sergio Flores)

By magicallymad · 8 Comments

I cannot shake this Grim Reaper guy off my arm, he really loves me. That would make him the most dedicated active force in my life. Maybe I should be grateful for his consistency (yes, somehow he is most definitely a fellow, not a ma’am). This unit is to stabilize the patient – so I’m […]

Filed Under: Life Savers, The Madness · Tagged: Decompensation, high risk patient, hospitalization, kids who are bullied need to learn tae kwon do, Major Depression, refusal of care for high risk, sergio flores, sexy sax man, stabilization, Suicidal Ideation, suicidality

Wait, what?

Sitting in the window watching for my kids’ bus. A car pulls up and a boy, 7 or 8 in baseball getup, gets out and runs to the back of the house across the street. The car, silver, idles – a man inside. I start to hear pounding, as of fists on a door. The pitch […]

Quiet, Muted Despair

The depression is ingrained after so many years – there almost every day – but every day seems to have it’s own manifestation. I almost wish I was at my worst so I could hospitalize and be cared for. I wish I was dead but am not suicidal, the ideation is there but not the […]

Boston, Summer 1983 – Paper Girl ends my not-so-promising hoodlum career

A few more minor events stand out. There was a girl, 10 or 11, who had a paper route on North Beacon. My little gang – my Lebanese neighbors, a Jamaican girl from across the street – and I secretly mocked her. She must have been the only white girl in the neighborhood besides me. […]

Something lighter – Papercuts

Patrick Gannon is an American cut-paper artist who works and lives in Japan. His work has been shown in galleries throughout the US, Europe and Asia.

Waking the Dragon of Slumbering CPTSD

I didn’t know I had Complex PTSD until I was 36 years old. I deliberately turned off my trauma – tossed it, pretended it never happened – when Social Services removed my sister and I from our mother’s custody and placed us with our newly sober and forever ex-criminal father. We never talked about our […]