I lay down for my usual 3 pm nap today. Sometimes I don’t sleep at all, just lay there and relax the body. Today I took some Valium and slipped under my blankets. I grabbed my stuffed rabbit & cuddled him. My tortie came in & curled up on my pillow, laying her head down close to mine. I closed my eyes but my head started to draft a blog entry, the first one in months. I opened my eyes and watched the rise and fall of Buddha’s tummy, the slight twitch of her black and orange ears. I tried to sleep again. I started to mess with my feet, trying to warm the left side of my heel, the tops of my toes. And then I just got up and got dressed again and grabbed my computer.
I read exactly one blog post by someone I follow and now launch into my own comparatively boring attempt at something that used to come so easily to me. It came easy before the September 2012 suicide attempt that very nearly killed me. It came easy before I started to take Effexor. It came easy before I started to take Pristiq and the depression was finally stopped in it’s tracks. Without the depression my creativity has plummeted, and I never even wrote about that near fatal experience, what should have been the culmination of all of those posts that came before.
I don’t know what you’ve heard about Pristiq. It’s pretty new to the market and I only got it after my psychiatrist petitioned my insurance company, although I understand it is readily available within the Canadian healthcare system. Good old American pharmaceuticals. Why is my son crying in his crib? Please hold…
Constipated & inconsolable, poor devil. Anyway, it’s interesting though. My body is still depressed. The physical symptoms are all still there, and I can’t be alone for 2 seconds without freaking out (thus the naps whenever my kids nap). My therapist confirmed that there can be a disconnect and that the meds can convince the mind but not the body. My Borderline had me unsuccessfully overdosing at Thanksgiving but that’s separate. Anyway, the point of this post is that Pristiq allows me to function after 50 other meds& med cocktails failed. I would recommend to anyone who is incurable, as I was.
OK, cheers, mates!