Is Blogging Good for Borderlines?

I don’t know. At first I thought so. I felt better, part of a community, seemed to kind of affirm what I go through with some regularity. Now I feel like it exposes me to triggers – rejection, marginalization, abandonment. I don’t know. Just a thought. I guess I’ll keep trying. Feedback MORE than welcome.

Michael Page

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Comments

  1. I personally think that blogging, much like Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar and many other mental health conditions, can com,e with both blessings and curses so to speak.

    Many times it can help us to ‘feel better’, ‘part of a community’ and can often affirm what we go through with some regularity as you said. But at the same time we have to remember that we are often – and certainly as mental health bloggers – part of a community that has the experience the same or similar pitfalls, insecurities, vulnerabilities and highs and lows as we do.

    When we blog on our mental health we are opening ourselves up despite all the stuff we are trying to cope with and in the process are putting ourselves out there and often at times of great personal need. We want or need to know that; we are not alone in what we are going through. That others ‘get it’. That someone else cares and understands. We need that empathy and feedback.

    Only trouble is that in general we are mainly (but not exclusively) sharing with others who have the same or similar difficulties and who are, like us, struggling to cope with their own stuff and in the throws of it all putting themselves out there.

    Often they, like us, get snowed under by life and trying to cope and thus struggle to blog with any regularity let alone have time to comment and give feedback to others . Certainly I am guilty of that sometimes and for that I apologize.

    I am a single guy with no familly or work commitments or pressures. I blog a great deal on a number of blogs and I try to comment when I can and yet even with all the free time I apparantly have my commenting and giving feedback can be so sporadic.

    I truly believe you have something to contribute and your voice and what you say through the blogosphere is worth hearing. And I am not just saying that, I truly mean it.

    Feeling exposed to those ‘triggers’ – that rejection, marginalization, abandonment etc is perfectly understandable. I can’t tell you how many times I have written a piece on one of my blogs and thought it really made sense and would relate to a lot of people only to have absolutly no feedback whatsover. I sometimes notice the amount of comments other bloggers get and feel saddened by the relatively few comments and feedbacks I get.

    By the same time I see the apparant relationships (albeit internet based relationships) that some bloggers have with each other and since I don’t have those it plays into my self-worth issues.

    Please don’t get me wrong, I truly am so very grateful and pleased that those bloggers have those kind of relationships and get that amount of comments, BUT like you I too have my triggers and I think that is perfectly natural and understandable.

    I think the best piece of advice and the best observation I can give is for you to know that at least thjis one blogger appreciates you work and thinks you have something valuable to say and to share. I wouldn’t take lack of feedack and comments or even the wrong kind of feedback and comments as a sign of rejection or marginalization or abandoment. I am fairly sure it is often more of an indication of where those readers and commenters are at than it is of where you are at or what you have said.

    And I say all that as someone who chose to put himself totally out there when I decided to blog about my mental health. I use my real name and my picture is on my blog and to be honest I have reached a place in my life where I figure hey what have I got to lose? I have hidden my mental health all my life only to have relationships – both intimate and merly friendship based, crash and burn when my mental health reached an episode and deteriorated to such a degree as I could hide it no longer.

    So I say keep on keeping on! You decide how much of yourself you are willing to invest in your blog and in others through your blog. At the end of the day it is your mental and emotional bank account and only you know how much you can afford to invest.

    Sorry it was such a long response, But the subject and you are worthy of the response.
    Hope that all makes sense.

    KInd Regards,

    Kevin.

    • Makes sense & I SO appreciate your insight & support, you really nailed it! Cripes, I didn’t realize I was so transparent! But I guess that’s the point. Oh well. Thanks Kevin, & I am the same, follow many blogs but DO have 5 kids & a career & marriage & all kinds of other stuff, but have committed to this. So I’ll keep up. If only for myself!

      Love,
      j

  2. Hi J
    Glad to have been some help and that it made sense.

    Transparency? No not too much, just as I said, so many of us go through similar things 🙂 I recognized myself.

    God bless and safe love

    Kevin

  3. Aw thank you. I am honoured. I must update my blogroll sometimes.

    Lol here is something humorous for you. Over in England toilets are called ‘bogs’ hence a toilet rolls is by many refered to as a bogroll. I just cannot help myself, whenever I hear or read the word blogroil, but thik of bogrolls LOL

    Oh and by the way I meant to mention simply adore the picture on this post!
    Ok it is 3 in the morning hee and if I don’t get soe sleep I will put myself into an episode

    Safe hugs.& Night
    Kevin,

    • Hahahaha, that’s great!!!! Yes, get some rest. Snuggle up. I’ve been sleeping with a floppy rabbit lately. He helps!
      Hugs,
      j

    • Omg. Good to know! My parents have cranberry bogs. Hope they knew about that when they visited England a few years ago!!

      Im trying really hard to develop an english accent because it always sounds nice and innocent. 🙂

      • Hahahahahaha, I don’t know if you saw my “3 Bins of Brilliance: Hilarity on WordPress” entry, but it’s worth a read if you like silly British accents. Somehow I have developed a flawless Manchester dialect, although I can’t do it if I put effort into it, it just comes when it’s in the mood. Maybe I have multiples? Lol, if you really want to develop one pick a British show & watch it alot & you will pick up on the accent via exposure (I would recommend ‘The Mighty Boosh’ with Noel Fielding & Julian Barrett). Hugs!

    • Being from good ol’ England, I can confirm that we do say “bogroll”. Although it’s more of a silly term than anything else. It happens to be one of my favourites.

      Mandi, if you want to develop an accent, can I suggest West Country? It’s fantastic.

      On the subject of this post… I don’t think I can say much more than the first reply. I’ve had love/hate relationship with blogging, especially when it comes to triggers. I’ve developed a tough skin though, and I’ve found that, if anything, regular exposure seems to numb the trigger urge somewhat. I don’t expect it would work for everyone.

      Personally, blogging has been a lifesaver for me. Being able to get my BPD frustrations out in an anonymous way has helped with the more ridiculous behaviour like throwing things around like some sort of nutter and weeping into my pillow if somebody is five minutes late. It’s a different release, I suppose.

      • Thank you, that is actually REALLY helpful. Now if I can just get the page formatted the way I want it…

        Incidentally I JUST added you to the blogroll I JUST added to my footer, and right in the middle of saving it 🙂

  4. I have found that blogging has been both helpful but I have also come across material that has been triggering. That’s life though, in my opinion.

  5. I agree with a lot of the above. Im not anonymous. In fact I started the blog to update friends and family. Not being anonymous is hard because I get a lot of criticism here. But I think the support online makes it worth it in the end. And it takes a little while to build that support.

    As far as triggers … yup. Can be a problem for sure. Especially pictures. Which is why I am pretty particular about which blogs I follow.

    In my opinion, the good outweighs the bad. It’s a place to be freely honest and know there are others who actually do understand!

  6. Yep, same as prideinmadness. Blogging has sometimes been my saviour, sometimes my down fall because of the triggers. But that is life 😉
    HS
    xox

  7. From what you have here, I feel that you write to record, to understand, to find the patterns, to let go. I love this quote from Anne Lamont who wrote “Bird by Bird” which should be required reading for every would-be writer….

    “Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul. When writers make us shake our heads with the exactness of their prose and their truths, and even make us laugh about ourselves or life, our buoyancy is restored. We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It’s like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can’t stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and spirits of the people who are together on that ship.”

    Isn’t that awesome? Btw, Kevin’s comments are really thoughtful! I like!

    • Yes it is. In my best Rod Stewart “have I told you/lately/that I love you?”

      OK, I’ll order on my next Amazon run (I just bought that children’s poetry book re William Blake’s Inn based on what I believe was your post n Pinterest. It is superb & I think the lilt & cadence as well as the softness of the pictures appeals even to rambunctious 2&3 year olds!)

      Yes, Kevin runs the Mental Health Writer’s Guild & he is full of sound & sage advice in addition to his informative & authoritative/ thoughtful posts. Have met some great bloggers here. Hooray!!!

      The emptiness has been sharp lately, it’s usually a dull emptiness, but this is more acute, so I am just getting hit in the gut here and there & sometimes I wonder if spending so much time writing this down & reading/exchanging with others is good or bad for my health. Probably better than to be isolated, and I do enjoy it & most of the people are fabulous.

      I still think we need to come up with something to do together, a collaborative blog 🙂 When we have time between mothering & everything else.

      Hugs.

  8. Dear Magic,

    I find that if I’m on a downer the mental health blogs I read make me feel much worse so I’ll stay away from them for a few days and concentrate on visiting all the funny blogs I follow. I can only take so much of the serious blogs; I don’t visit them daily – when I’m okay again I’ll go back and catch up on the posts I’ve missed because I truly value what everyone has to say – I’m learning so much about who I am through other people’s experiences of their illnesses that I’m looking at certain aspects of myself and my past with a perspective I never had before. Discovering that I’m not the only one to feel a certain way, or to behave a certain way, is a relief and a small liberation from a lifetime of guilt and shame that comes with mental illness.

    I’d say stick at it – but don’t think you only have to blog about mental health, it’s YOUR blog, do what you like with it. Limit your visits to the serious blogs and have a laugh. 🙂

    Love Dotty xxx

    • Dear Dotty,

      I think that insight nails it & is exceedingly sound advice. And yes, I want to add another category dedicated purely to silliness. Thank you for your thoughts!

      Love,
      Your collected Immigration Overlord.

  9. Jaen Wirefly says:

    Rejection is a big one for me. I always feel as if I’m being rejected even when I’m not. When do you feel rejected when you blog?

    • I don’t want to document my capacity for whininess here, just my capacity to make up words like whininess. OK, well, I had a few bloggers who followed me alot when I first started but they’ve gone away. I guess that qualifies as an abandonment trigger. Hooray!!! Rejection, abandonment and failure cause me to decompensate to the non-functioning point. Ugh. You are a professional in the field, right? It is so much easier to work through these things when your clinicians have experienced this stuff. And that can be hard to find.

      • Jaen Wirefly says:

        Here is the thing about BPD I don’t think it ever truly goes away. Symptoms decrease with time and therapy but there is always the abandonment and rejection stuff lurking in the background. Right now, I’m working as a receptionist because I’m not ready to re-enter the field but when I was working I think my patients knew I understood them; kind of like “mental illness radar.”

        BTW- It’s very therapeutic just to admit to the feelings of rejection and abandonment; the less you deny it, the less abandoned you feel.

      • Oh, I absolutely own up to my weaknesses & vulnerabilities. I almost gave my psychiatrist a Python-inspired “Abandonment!” yesterday when he said our time was up. All in silliness of course.

        The best therapist I ever had was someone who also struggled with this stuff, & I think that’s WHY she was the best. So I hope you can reenter your field. I had tried to shift into human services, thought it would be therapeutic – instead it triggered the CPTSD that hadn’t been touched ever & completely upended my existence. So I know exposure to trauma can be brutalizing & therefore unappealing.

        Thank you for your comments, big hugs.

      • Jaen Wirefly says:

        YW;)

    • I feel rejected by people here, where i live. Either im too open, don’t say enough, post too often or not enough. Mainly though, i feel rejected when people will ask me how I am (I feel out of obligation) and I want to scream “HELLO! That’s why I started a blog! If you cared you would check it out even once in awhile and then you wouldn’t be asking me this now!!!!” Thats mainly it… rejection from people here. I don’t think many friends/family even read my blog anymore. I get more support from you all!

      • Sorry Mandi. I feel like blogging just gave me one more place to feel rejected or irrelevant. So I may quit. I don’t find it to be particularly therapeutic. Although, cyber-support doesn’t hurt, & I am grateful for the people I have connected with here.

      • Jaen Wirefly says:

        I think it’s hard for people who don’t suffer from mental illness to understand how to give support. My husband hasn’t read my blog yet and maybe that’s not a bad thing.

      • Wow. Mine either, although I kind of want him too bc he might gain some insight. Or think I’m dramatic. Hmmm…does your husband support you well during low periods? Mine tries but without understanding the condition, it is hard.

      • Jaen Wirefly says:

        My husband can be very supportive at times. Overall he’s an amazing man who puts up with a lot of crap. I’m lucky to have him.

      • HOORAY!!!!

  10. Like anything else, there are pros and cons. It’s hard to keep up, can be frustrating. To give and receive support is wonderful. Personally I think the very thing that makes it so tough, is also the reward. It’s not actually writing the blog that’s hard, it’s keeping up with comments and reading others’ blogs. It would be easy if you didn’t have to do that. I have toyed with the idea of not allowing comments – just a like button, but then, you lose the blessing of support through interaction.

    Dunno. It’s hard. A full-time job practically.

  11. gypsy116 says:

    The same thing happened to me. At 1st I felt like the support was great, and it was wonderful feeling connected to people that truly understood what I was going through. Then like you said, “Now I feel like it exposes me to triggers – rejection, marginalization, abandonment.” I almost quit a bunch of times. Now, I am so glad that I didnt (not to say that I never feel like quitting now, I do, but I push myself through it). For me, pushing myself to keep going in the face of all of that, has made me stronger. Its worked like exposure for me. Things that would have gotten under my skin to the point it felt unbearable before, hardly bother me. I think its worth it to try and push through it, but at the same time, you know yourself, and I trust that youll know if its doing more harm than good.

  12. You’re right and wrong hun. The thing is, I didn’t get on this blog thinking that I would help anyone else or make any kind of difference, I did it for myself and that’s where it has to come from. You have to be doing it for you, not to get likes or follows (even though they do in fact boost your confidence quite a bit) I think if one person reads something you wrote (like I did and you did for me) that’s what should make the difference in your heart. Always remember you are #1 and if you’re not #1, no one can ever be #2.

    Much love!
    Sara

    • Thanks for your comment – yeah, I started it for me too. But Borderline doesn’t go on break if you start to blog. Rejection follows Borderlines everywhere 😦
      I have no anxiety here, but the Borderline is my primary focus for the blog.

      I like your screen name, BTW. magikdolls, magicallymad…hooray for magic! (or magik) 🙂

      • Trust me I know, I have explored the idea of myself being Borderline as well.. the thing is, I can’t allow something like that to control me, its just in my nature. I will fight it to the death and I hope you can do the same for your sake and your kiddos! Be the force! Feel what you want, do what you want and be who you are! No shame! Wish you the best and just know I am here to be a support to you as well! And yes hooray for Magik! ❤
        Sara
        PS Magik is my black and white kittehs name, he's a magikal being who touched my heart in a magikal way! I didn't like cats very much, and am allergic to them but I suffer through all of that for him because he is such an awesome cat.

        <3<3<3<3 XOXOXO <3<3<3<3

      • Hooray for cats too!!!! XOXO

  13. Good question.

    If you read one of the latest posts I wrote, the one from yesterday where I say “I’m used to being uncomfortable” then you’d know how I feel about this. I’m having a love-hate relationship with blogging at the moement. (ha, love-hate, isn’t that rare for a borderline?)

    At the present time I’m a bit addicted to it though, so that’s not good. But I know why so, at the same time, I feel it’s kept me from going in the deep end in many ways–in the sense that I’m able to let out some of this and share it at least. Though the being exposed to too many triggers can be a bad or good thing as Halway mentioned, you can be immune to it. But as Dotty says, it can get me down even more. I find certain triggers around certain writers, so I’ll avoid those posts, especially now after I had that terrible breakdown. I still run into things which is making me wonder if I REALLY need to take a break from blogging.

    I think the rejection and ESPECIALLY the marginalization has be something that’s gotten to me lately. I don’t think the rejection in the sense of not getting feedback. But I think it’s more of my own perception. Say I write something about immigration and how it’s making my already bad anxiety worse and no one really gets that. It’s like I want to tell two stories, one of my mental health and one of societal issues at large and how that’s affected my mental health. So when I feel one is being ignored, I sense rejection. Does that make sense? That kind of stuff is what I mean.

    In the end, I’m telling a story, my story and I’m reading yours in the process. And that’s the beauty of it!

    I don’t think I can add anymore than what BoldKevin said so eloquently or what others have stated. Except, I’ll add that I’m very glad you found me on the blogosphere and I may have said that already but I’ll say it again.
    hugs xoxoxx

    • ❤ Guess it's pretty common, ay? Guess it makes sense! I'm sorry if I miss some of your posts – I go into reader & it just shows the latest – usually I do this every other day so there are about 60 new posts and if I'm lucky I get through 10. I try to scan for you, Dotty, Kevin, a few more, otherwise I just read everything, & after reading & perhaps commenting on 10 I have to get to work – IMMIGRATION!!!! SO if I see an immigration post you know I will not only comment but also engage & support you.

      You know, maybe take a break for a few days, come back to it, ultimately we're doing this for ourselves right? I am just a control freak in everything I do, I log on & I'm like, 8 VISITORS! NOOOOOOOOOOO! So then I feel pressure to do it every day & stress about it. I guess it's a cycle that must be natural for us.

      With love,
      j

      • Oh no! Please don’t apologize for not reading. It’s enough we’ve shared such good little chats on the coment-y section already.Besides, I haven’t written anything specifically immigration related since my very second post! lol. What I guess I mean is I tie in a lot of the societal stressors with my mental posts and I try to nudge at the fact that a lot of how our society is makes people like us go over the edge more so than not. I know what you mean. Take a break like Dotty said.

        And yeah, I think I get more overwhelmed if I get more feedback actually. It’s making anxiety not so good at the moment which is another indicator I should go out for a while, but I’m hooked on yall!

        Blegh. What am I doing on here? I need to sign out. Remind me to sign off if you find me commenting again. heheh.

        I need to go find out about finding a therapist…

        Love and hugs

      • Love and hugs back – if you’re on FB, that’s a much more lighter place to play (personal pages, not our blog pages – I haven’t got one of those), but I’m Jill Gallagher, from Jamaica Plain, MA (if you needed to do a detailed search) & my profile pic is the same as my profile pic here (babies, cat, Jonestown documentary). Hope to upload those pics today, am actually thinking a “check it” post might be good since I am feeling like jumping off a bridge & what better way to check it than to think of the sacrifices made by the Greatest Generation. At least the pictures will be great. You’re gonna love em. My Papa died Christmas Eve 1980 – I was 6. But He was THE BEST and now I have all his photos I have learned so much about him (just the things he thought were worth documenting on film in the midst of the Battle of the Bulge (heaviest American casualties? Won the battle nonetheless – go MacArthur!!!!!)so I feel that loss acutely. Imagine what he would have been like to talk to.

        Oh enough about me – fucking ADDERALL!!!

        Love & hugs,
        J

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