So I follow bipolarmuse.com and she posted about winning an award, one so shiny I had to have it, like some limited edition chevre Balenciaga from 2005. So I navigated to another magical blogger – http://melancholicallymanic.wordpress.com/ – read the rules (be funny and brilliant), so what did I do? I begged:
“I want one! Bipolarmuse gave me the Versatile Blogger Award, where you have to disclose 7 random bits about yourself. One of my random bits is that I can move from educated American to harsh Boston to pure Karachi to breezy Manchester accents flawlessly and seamlessly. While not amusing in itself (although I also admitted to actively listening to disco, that may count), a friend once insisted I use the Karachi accent while going through the drive-thru at the local coffee chain (Dunkin’ Donuts). So I order for myself, my friend, & our lot of offspring in the back, so that we can all really have to pee in an hour when we get to the beach. The guy at the other end is INDIAN! I was afraid I might have a war on my hands, but even when we got up to the window to pay and collect our caffeine, I maintained my accent, as if I grew up in Karachi instead of just having so many Pakistani clients that their accent somehow worked itself into my brain instead of the slightly more liltish Indian accent, or any Asian accent, or any of the other foreign nationals I work with every day. My Indian barista was non-plussed as I spoke and everyone else in the car giggled shamelessly.
I don’t know why I use the accents, just shift into them sometimes, if I have to put one of my kids or a colleague in their place it just comes off as less abrasive if you use an accent, if I drink I seem to automatically veer into Manchester territory (again, why that part of the UK, that dialect? WTF? must be part of my mental illness), a fellow from Glasgow once sat down beside me & a friend at a lounge, which happened to be founded by the English 200 years ago in Plymouth Colony, he had a woman with him, & my friend, whose dad is also from Glasgow, said to me “He’s a Scot, he’s going to call you out.” I used the ladies room & came back & my friend was chatting with them. As soon as I sat down, the fellow asked me what part of the UK I was from. I said “Boston.” He thought he had offended me. Still, I couldn’t even FORCE the accent to go, so while I’m saying “no, really, I’m a local, I just have a useless talent for accents” he’s looking at me trying to figure out which of us is the crazy one…
Funny? Perhaps, it was at the time. Brilliant? You decide. Oh, & I’m following your brand of blogging now. Your brand being Clever. Well, I’m following your blog. Only been at it a month, but you’re as clever as I’ve come across. In fact, I haven’t come across anything quite as clever thus far. So, thank you!
And in my finest Manchester: Cheers, luv, you’re a diamond.
So then, having achieved the awarding of the Three Bins of Brilliance from Paz via my accent stories, I navigated to the original page – http://dottyheadbanger.wordpress.com/2012/04/28/the-three-bins-of-blogging-award-the-best-award-ive-made-today/ – this is perhaps the most diverse and hysterical page I’ve happened upon in my admittedly short time as a blogger. And yes, I assign a superlative to every blog to which I subscribe. Muse is Poetic, Paz is Clever, Dotty is, hmmm, haven’t quite found the word yet.
Only my suddenly intense insecurities could have made me do such a thing, and with my actual name as my blog address! For shame. Anyway, this business was the highlight of my otherwise miserable day, so if you would like the award, please comment with an absurd story and you shall be thus knighted. Except you’ll have to imagine the part with the sword, since we’re in cyberland. And, although Black Mamba’s character did make me wish for a samurai sword for a short time, I do not actually own one.